


Top Of The Hour

by liquescensolla



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Child Abandonment, Eventual Romance, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Marude's POV, Moving On, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s), basically a continuation to endless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 07:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8569735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liquescensolla/pseuds/liquescensolla
Summary: Soon after my grave was dug and as soon as I prepared to jump in he followed after me and begged me not to leave him behind. I must be dreaming because what could he possibly want with a forty three year old man still crying over his lying ass brother. I am not good for him and if it was up to me he would be with someone who could appreciate him the right way. I had way too much emotional baggage.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tenmillionotters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/gifts).



> My last fic "Endless" was lingering in my mind for quite some time and so much has happened since I published that fic so I am back with a continuation to that story. While it's not required that you read Endless first it's highly recommended especially since it's referenced a lot. Well enjoy :)

Yeah that’s right. I’m back and sitting here with you guys like nothing ever happened. Oh, for fucks sake! Please don’t give me that look. I can’t deal with your lingering stares like I am trapped under your microscope of judgement. Please just hear me out for a moment. Just put the phone down for a minute. Dammit! I told myself I wouldn’t do this but I can’t hold this in any longer. I need the world to hear me. I need you all to understand my pain, my despair, and how it turned into something oddly refreshing.

I was a man madly in love with a liar. Remember that? Of course you do... of course you do.

Something happened you guys and I can’t make any excuses for this. It’s like no matter how much I run this wretched family always bring me back. I told myself never to associate myself with them, especially seeing how my relationship with Yoshitoki ended. I needed to heal and the only way to do that is to stay far away and pretend it never happened and pretend it’s not tearing me apart after all this time. They say you never get over your first love and damn if they weren’t right because I feel like shit.

After our last meeting, I wanted to see him again. I needed to feel something again just to remind myself that I did the right thing and Yoshitoki didn’t hate me for it. I was only going to stay there for a half an hour or however the time distorted itself to fit the mood. I already had it planned and yet-.

I was on my way to his grave site and that’s when I saw _him._

I had to stop in my tracks and question the state of my inner psyche because I grieved a lot and I am man enough to admit that to you guys but my grief would never send me to a place where I wanted anyone and everyone to look like him. Yoshitoki is dead and never coming back. I say that with my head held high but that day was scary you guys.

He was standing in front of his own grave.

He was _laughing_  at his own grave.

Have we both gone insane?

I drew closer and while the resemblance was there he was not the man I loved. There’s some heavy resemblance but my original goal was shifted. I was less focused on Yoshitoki and more curious about this look alike. Who is he and why is he standing at his grave laughing like his favorite comedy skit debuted?

Regardless of the suspicion I may have initially felt I cooked up the courage to talk to this man. He looks over and out gazes locked. That sets off something in my but his eyes felt like that are staring into my soul and studying me from inside out.

I didn’t like being on the receiving end of visual interrogation. My vulnerability is not for personal amusement and my first instinct is to slap his face to the other side but curiosity told me not to. That turned out to be one of the best decisions I made. Who knew?

Turns out he knew me and apparently, I knew him too.

I can’t explain why but I was first to introduce myself and my confidence was oddly higher than usual. It was his turn to tell me his name and as soon as I heard that last name I wanted to run and pretend this never happened.

_Souta Furuta washuu_

No, thank you.

My mind move but my feet don’t. Once again he’s giving me that creepy smile and I know I threw myself into the lion’s den and yet I wasn’t scared.

Isn’t that weird? I wasn’t afraid of the unknown. I actually felt pity for the guy. He can wear that mask all he wants but deep down my intuition told me he was hiding a lot and he has a story to tell. Those eyes opened the window to a horribly abused soul.

Remembered when I told you all I was going to keep my distance from anything Washuu?

That didn’t happen. Who am I even kidding?

I am a fucking **Washuu magnet**!

I didn't know what to do as he steps closer. He reminded of a child, a child with a little too much freedom and little filter to hold him back. He asks if I knew him and I almost wanted to laugh because he's asking what he already knew. Nevertheless I nod, humoring him a little but what comes next almost puts me on my ass.

Look, interrogation is my specialty and I can even back the emperor into a corner if I really wanted to. This time is different because he was the one digging into my life. He asks if I was the one he loved but that question was so burdensome that my words are actually trapped in my throat. I thought the demon made me shake but this young man nearly bought me to my knees. Oddly enough I found him alluring.

I say this and I still ask myself, even as I sit here.

How did I get trapped in his spell?

Washuu charm? Or something more?

I'm a sensible man so I'll take the latter free of charge.

He wants to talk more and I want to reject. I can tell he don't take no for an answer very often....just like a child. Curiosity can take the blame for this because I wanted to know his story.

Where is his place in the family?

What is his link to Yoshitoki? The old demon?

Most importantly, how in the hell do he know me?

I got so many questions swimming in my head as we take the time to hit it off. I bet you're wondering how many I got answered but you might (not) be shocked to hear zero. I was too caught up on his fascination towards me to even take notice.

The more I tried to learn about him. The more he knew about me.

This Souta guy...quite the enigma. An enigma, who's story turned into my obsession.

My questions were never answer and yet the biggest mystery was solved. Bittersweet was the best word to describe it. What I am going to say with turn everything on his head.

This Souta guy...

Yoshitoki, the man I loved...

...were brothers.

You don't understand how unnerved that makes me.

He hid so much from me, but was it necessary to hide the fact he had a brother who enjoys laughing at his grave?

What the hell?

Did the demon not know when to quit?

I had to ask if I was allowed to know this and he nodded. I can see the desperation in his eyes and at that moment I knew he had no intention of ending our little date (?) without dropping that bombshell. I really don't know what he wants and why he's so concerned with me. All I wanted was to talk to Yoshitoki and here I am hitting things off with his baby brother.

You can't make a soap opera plot that's better than this.

I try to end this prematurely, knowing I am walking into something I have no business concerning myself with. He stops me, giving me that expression that leaves little room for opposition. Damn, why is this guy so persistent? Didn't his father teach him that he can't always get his way?

Regardless of my trepidation as if spend a minute longer with him I knew it in my heart he had a story to tell. I knew there are so many layers waiting to be peeled away and as I reached forward he pulled back. Souta is a challenge. I like a good challenge.

Yoshitoki was too easy to figure out.

The night finally draws to a close and we proceed to part ways. He slips his contact information my way and his expression says it all. I was to not slip away and I had to live with the fact that I allowed Souta to adhere to me like I was supposed to guide him. I was here for his brother and yet I wasn't allowed to give him that reminder. Well...it was my own damn fault.

I'm too nice sometimes. Fucking sue me.

As I sit here I bet you're thinking this is probably the end. We both went our separate ways and whatever happened was left for memories.

Guess what ladies and gentlemen...

It is far from over.

It is only the beginning.

I think you're going to need a drink.

Because...

_Souta Furuta Washuu is nothing like Yoshitoki Washuu._

Yoshitoki lost his identity while Souta created whatever identity best fits the setting. I bet you can figure out who's the scarier of the two. I know I can because only a demon is capable of creating a monster like Souta but please don't misunderstand. Souta is only a monster if he wants to.

Defense mechanisms are what the experts call it. Souta had more than enough of them.

I really don't know what he wanted in me. I'm just a grieving man trying to put my life back together and yet this young man didn't know when to quit. He didn't need me. I'm not even sure if I need me anymore. He's nice when he wanted to be and he came with lots of emotional baggage. I swear to myself I wouldn't get too attached but Souta was different.

He's special....

...and yet so damaged.

We started a mutual friendship and over the span of a six month period was spent on getting to know each other. I told him everything from my childhood and whatever motivated me to join the CCG. I told him a lot and yet I wasn't getting much in return. Furthermore I started to question whether or not he was the least bit concerned with my life story. I knew what he wanted and now it's my turn to stone wall him.

As soon as he mentions Yoshitoki I shut down. I understand they are brothers but why would he need to concern himself with a man he probably hated. If this is his way of getting closer to me then he failed before he ever started. Then again I can't expect much from a twenty four year old who claims to only live a quarter of a man's life.

I always knew you guys.

This man hid a lot and what I discovered changed my life forever.

This guy. Souta was born in hell and raised to embrace his life fiery despair. Demon has never been a more fitting name for Tsuneyoshi until now. A father of many and an arbiter of many evils. Only an evil demon can sleep a night knowing this.

If I ever wanted to seek an explanation that day may never come. Turns out, Tsuneyoshi was also killed that night. Left on his desk with multiple swords like a ghoul kabob. They called it a crime of extreme passion. A crime of personal complications. Whoever killed him hated his guts and I can't see why that would not be the case. In my personal opinion, being kabob'd to death is too nice of a punishment. No man who forces his own daughter and many more to bear children with him and each other deserves a breath of fresh air.

Surprisingly, we were reaching the end of the year when he finally told me. There's so much I do not know but what I do know is that a lot is hiding behind the rotted foul smelling layers that fabricates his repulsive personality. There is a scared and lost child who went to the extremes to get justice for every victim of this family's evil deeds. He wanted a way out but more than anything he wanted his army of siblings to have a way out. It started with a little girl who name I shall not disclose and traveled over to an organization I promised not to name.

Souta had a heart of gold but he was so horribly corrupted. Remember he's only twenty four and the horrors he has seen in his life is nothing anyone in this room can imagine. I don't care if you are disgusted by his actions. If you saw what he has seen? If you lived how he lived I bet half this room would he absent, and by absent I mean dead. Even a man with an iron heart would fall to his knees. 

It's so frustrating the more I think about it. Please help me understand because I don't. I don't like to associate myself with religion but why would God turn his back on those kids? Why did he not love them? If there's anything I wanted to ask god I would ask him if he enjoyed letting those kids suffer why their father had the world in the palm of his hands.

I know I said I wanted to keep my distance.

Since when do I ever hold myself to my feelings?

This wasn't about my feelings. I wanted to save Souta and give him the love he was robbed of.

Needless to say...

...it was barely a minute after he told me his story I confessed my love to him.

Soon after my grave was dug and as soon as I prepared to jump in he followed after me and begged me not to leave him behind. I must be dreaming because what could he possibly want with a forty three year old man still crying over his lying ass brother. I am not good for him and if it was up to me he would be with someone who could appreciate him the right way. I had way too much emotional baggage.

He didn’t care.

Souta knew what he wanted and how to get it.

Turns out he loved me just as much as I loved him.

How the fuck can I ever go back to Yoshotoki’s grave knowing this?

Did I even want to know after learning the truth behind his brother and the entire family?

Maybe I’m the childish one after all.

He told me how he waited for me to return. I wanted to ask because I didn’t understand what he was insinuating but he gave me the gesture not to interrupt him so I knew whatever he was about to say was very important. As you guys all know, I tend to visit Yoshitoki’s grave during the month of December as the anniversary of his death draws near. He continues and I really started to feel a little creeped out because turns out Souta has been watching me this entire time. He never wanted to directly stand in front as the emotional toll was too great for him to handle. I really can’t blame him for that but why would he not reach out when he’s been yearning to this entire time?

I may never get the answers I want but I got the answers I need. Souta waited all this time to reach out and chose that time to final do it. I ask why and he told me…

_Sometimes you don’t need a reason to do things._

Those words left a bad taste in my mouth but the explanation that came after gave me ease, as well as a reason to be the hero I never asked to be.

_This short life I am living. I am going to do whatever I want while I still have time._

He cried that night… My heart nearly died that night.

I could only go through my list of possible ways I made him cry and there’s nothing to find.  Maybe I am less of the reason and more of the solution. I gave him a space where he can safely take off his mask. I am not here to judge and execute. I am here to heal and rehabilitate. I am supposed to help pick up the pieces but what am I supposed to do where the shattered pieces are lost in a place from the past that neither Souta nor I want to revisit? I don’t need to fix him up. I just need him to hold to what he has while I cover the vulnerable areas with a protective cloak of my love.

I can never bring forth the man he would be had he grew up in a healthy and loving environment but what I can do is show him that neither I nor the world has given up on him. I won’t let him trip and fall into a ditch as he awaits death.

Souta, at least take me with you dammit.

Look, I know I said this before but I am going to say this again because I care and I would like to hear myself say this. I want this to seep into your minds and hearts when you go home tonight and live the rest of your days until the reaper comes knocking. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s up to you whether or not you want to embrace it or abandon it. Everyone has a reason for their actions but there’s only but so much you are excused before you have to step back and take a look at yourself.

My arrogance will tell you that I saved him but my confidence will tell you that I gave him a reason to live. I stopped him before he completely slipped away but I am not arrogant enough to say that he has changed for the better. Souta has a long way ago and if you only you could see our fights. That’ll tell you how ‘reformed’ he is.

Yoshitoki was too easy to handle. That’s what made him so gentle and comforting.

_On the other hand…_

Souta was an ongoing challenge. That’s what made him so unpredictable and exciting.

Same blood, different personalities and ideals. After twenty years it be time for a different path. This is only the beginning and all I ask for your support and guidance. This won’t be easy but no relationship is. Look I love this disaster of a person because underneath it all he’s an inspiration for many and a cautionary tale for others. He’s a packaged deal and I love him for that. I’m no guardian angel but I will protect him until my last dying breath. I won’t give him a reason to give up.

I think I have said enough and now I must go. I would like to thank you all for your time and patience. It’s funny how this one man have stories for days to come. I guess I been through a lot and now I am desperate to find anyone who would listen. Souta is needy when I take too long and I promised to have him in my arms by the end of this hour and look at the time…

_16:58_

Souta Furuta-Washuu, you may stand up.

_16:59_

Your husband awaits.


End file.
